Lookin' Jolly

Ycows... I never thought I'd be so self-conscious about my cheeks.

Yeah, wisdom teeth surgery made my cheeks bigger than if I taped two ribbeting bullfrogs to my face. But that shouldn't bother me! I'm Kevin after all! KEVIN LAM! KEVIO LAMIO! I'm rarely aware of what I'm wearing on a day-to-day basis, so why should I worry about my cheeks being bigger than a hot air balloon over a nuclear explosion? (That's large, right?)

Well it did bother me. Throughout the whole day I felt like I was subconciously screaming "LOOK AT MY FATTY FAT FAT CHEEKS, EVERYONE! FAAAAAT CHEEKS".

Although it bothered me more than Harry and Ron, I was luckily not bothered by others. I know everyone from here to Malaysia noticed my cheeks were chubbier than a babboon's butt injected with 12 gallons of helium, but only a few people actually pointed it out. Sometimes I'd just be waiting for someone to say "heyyy... you, cheeks, heyo!", or something meaner like "Hi hi hi. Hehe, I was just saying hi to you and your two new friends there. YO CHEEKS ARE HUGE!". But I only got a FEW "oh... oh your... wisdom teeth HEY... hehe".

This just in! Cheeks is a cute word. HAHA.

If it's any consolation, every time I see myself in the mirror, I start laughing. I just look so silly. It's like I'm holding two tennis balls in my mouth. Hey yknow what! The bottom of my face makes a perfect semi-circle!


I don't know how I can use this fact to my advantage. I was thinking maybe I could now use a bowl as a mask... but I'm not sure why I'd want a bowl as a mask.

So school went okay, especially cuz it was only half a day. BUT THEN! Monday means I had to go to work! AT QUEST!! Oh no!

I oversee a room full of little children! Could you imagine how they would make fun of my "9th planet"-sized cheeks?! I could certainly imagine. When I walk into that classroom of 10+ crazy kids, here's how I imagined what would happen.

Situation A:

(Kevin walks into classroom secretly)

Eddie: Hey Mr. K, I need help with my homework!

K: Okay.

Eddie: (sees cheeks) whooaaa what's wrong with your face?

K: My face? I just got my wisdom teeth pulled out.

Eddie: You look like a chipmunk.

Meet: Mr. K? Lemme see!

K: Meet do your work!..

Meet: Hahahaha, you're like a hamster.

Class: HAHAHAHHAHA MR. K LOOKS SOOOO RIDICULOUS!!

K: I'm ssooOOOooo embaaRRRrrraasseedd!

And that's what I imagined would happen. (I dunno why it's Eddie and Meet who did the talking.) Those kids and their pointing-stuff-out-ness! So either THAT would happen, ORRR, my boss Mr. Johnny would stop me before I even entered the classroom.

Situation B:

Johnny: "Uh... Kevin, if you go in that room with those bigass cheeks of yours, those kids are gonna make fun of you till dawn. Hey, even I had to stop myself from comparing your face to a humpback whale. So yknow what, why don't you just stay and work in the office, I'll give you some pencils to sharpen there."

I probably would've preferred situation B.

"But" again, but none of that happened! I entered the classroom and those lil munchkins didn't say a thing. I don't think a single child even really noticed my extra face blubber. Those kids and their lack-of-observent-ness!

In all in, my day was alright. Less cheeky than I had expected, and that's fine with me.

This just in! I shaved just now. It took me twice as long. HAHA just kidding.

My Wisdom Teeth and Me!

If you didn't hear the news, HERE IT COMES:

I got my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday! HOORAH!

All four of them.

So yeah, yesterday was pretty torturous. I couldn't eat ANYTHING all day, I just sipped some water here and there. Man I was hungrier than someone who's really really hungry. Oh it just so happened that soccer girls were giving each other gifts, so there were DONUTS EVERYWHERE!!! You know I can't resist those delicious rings of fattiness. But yesterday, I had to. There was even one point in English class where Soomin was like "I can't eat this, does anyone want my donuts?". NO ONE TOOK IT! I WOULD'VE, BUT I COULDN'T!! I just had to drink my lil water...

Luckily I avoided food during lunch time to take a free art lesson by an alumni in the art room. HEADS UP, if I'm not there during lunch on Friday, I'll be in the art room.

ANYWAY, at around 2 o'clock I found myself in a chair in the dentist office ready to be surgerized. There were three nurses standing around me waiting for the doctor to come in, and they were chatting about something something paying bills something. There were a couple moments of loooong awkward silences, and I really wanted to bust out laughing, but they'd have thought I was crrAAaaazy if I did.

I fell asleep waiting for the doctor, but 10 minutes later he came in and was all "Hey Kevin, you ready?". "Yeeeh..." I mumbled. One of the nurses sprayed my arm with what felt like Superman ice breath, and then they injected me with a shot. "Now you're just gonna take a nice little nap..." Dr. K said. Yes, his name was Dr. K-something.

"Okay..." I said.

I sat there for 10 seconds just waiting for my body to shut down. Then my head got really... warm... like someone spilled hot chocolate on my brain.

Then I was out.

The next thing I remember I was stumbling around a hall... and then I was in a parking lot, someone was helping me walk... I thought it was Dr. K but it was probably my dad. I remember being in the car trying to say something to my dad as he drove me home, but I kept on ending with a "...nevermindi'lltellyoulater..." because I could barely understand what I was saying.

I remember stumbling through the garage into my house, then somehow I turned my computer on. I don't know how. And yknow how when they do surgery stuff on you, they inject all this novacaine and booze in you to make you a little high? Well what followed was one of my funniest recordings ever with my webcam...

Kevin Without Wisdom
(subtitled, the best I could, for your convenience. REMEMBER I WAS DRUGGED!)

I honestly don't remember recording most of this. I just remember saying "loooopy", but that's about it. There are actually two more videos of me like this (one includes me singing), but maybe I'll upload em later, I'm too lazy to subtitle all of it.

Now after this I took a nap.

Warnin': DON'T READ THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH IF YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN YOUR WISOM TEETH TAKEN OUT YET:

(I don't want people to know about the pain. Yet. MUAHAHHAHA)

I woke up and I was in so much pain. It was so bad I could use a big word and describe it as EXCRUCIATING! I wished I had a stress ball so I could squeeze it, or maybe just a tiny chick, that woulda been fine too. I felt like a tiger was chewing my jaw off, which, now that I think about it, is kinda ironic. Then I realized my dad got me my pain killers! So I took one of them and waited a little bit, BUT THEY DIDN'T HELP! Turns out I just took the antibiotics, the pain killers were in another bottle... so then I took some of them REAL pain killers and felt a wee better after a little nap.

Okay keep on reading from here:

And that was basically it. I ate some juk(?) for dinner. Then I slept at like 9 till morning, waking up every couple hours to replace the gauze things in my mouth. I bled a lot. BTW, this is the time when parents are really awesome. When you're physically dying, they're there to help you! YAY POSITIVE THINKING!

Now begins the healing process and YES my cheeks DID get puffy! You know what that means? I can receive TWO kisses on my cheek at the same time! FANTASTIC!! Or maybe just one kiss from a girl with a really big mouth.