Wednesday, July 1, 2009

LEGENDARY BATTLE OF LEGEND

HOTHOTHOTHOTHOT OFF THE PRESSES! Is a Kanga post.

I have a confession of sorts to make! I've been scared. I've been scared to post on my blog. Every time I wanted to, I wanted to make it something GOOD, something SPECIAL... cuz I always like making my Kanga posts awesome. To do something deep and philosophical, I'd have to be in a deep and philosophical mood, but then when I am, I'm not in the mood to post, and then and then, if I'm not in a deep and philo mood, then I COULD feel like writing something, but then I didn't feel like it was worth posting.

But yknow what? Screw that! Screw writing something deep! Imma do whatever I like, yeahhhh. Screw that like one of the following: A) a womanizer! B) a light bulb! C) a kid who didn't study for a math test! Or maybe screw it like a womanizer unprepared for a math test screwing in a lightbulb!! TRIPLE SCREWED!!! HUHAH!! Okay I forget what I'm talkin about.

Look!


I was cleaning out my Legos and figured... "Hey. Maybe I should keep some around, not just put ALL of them away in storage." So since I had those nice Star Wars display stands, I chose three Lego people! SWEET! Unfortunately, I could not find Boba Fett, Luke, OR Han Solo, so I replaced them with these guys.

My question is... Who would win?

---Spiderman with a lance?
---Harry Potter with a revolver?
---A McDonalds employee with a lighsaber?

PLACE YOUR BETS!

Personally, I think the McDonalds employee would win. You can't beat a lightsaber. Here's how I see it going down: They're in an arena with a few places for cover. Spiderman is swinging everywhere while Potter is running around to find employee. Employee is traveling from cover to cover so Harry won't get a good shot. Employee runs by. BANG goes Harry. BANG! He runs by again. BANG! BANG! Now Spiderman is observing from above and tries to web Potter's gun. He gets his hand! But before Spidey can yank it out, Potter aims it at Spidey and the webslinger retreats behind a pillar. BANG! Potter misses.

Suddenly, employee emerges from behind a metal crate and runs toward Potter. BANG! BANG! One bullet hits employee in the shoulder! He stumbles to the ground. Potter smiles. He walks up to the injured man, the grimmace growing wider and wider on his face. Spidey observes from a distance in fear. "Well," the wizard cacks, "looks like this is the end!" Potter aims the gun at employee's head. -click- What? -click click!- Potter ran out of bullets! He frowns. "The end... for YOU!" SZHWAHP! Employee whips his lightsaber upward between Potter's legs, slicing him cleanly in half. Employee smiles. "Tea and crumpets THAT magic, mother f***ker." The wizard's body falls both to the left and right (haha) while employee is left on the floor.

Spiderman sees his chance. Employee is still injured from the bullet in his shoulder, so Spidey blasts gallons of web at employee's body. TZS TSZ TSSZZZZ TTSSSSSZZZZ!! Employee deflects some webbing with the saber, but some wrap around his shoulder. "You fool!" he shouts from the ground, "you just gave me a web-bandage!!" All part of his plan. "Dang it!" Spiderman curses.

Employee gets up and is ready for the final round. Spiderman throws his lance at employee's abdomen, yelling in strength. "AHHH!" Employee is clipped on the side, but it's nothing serious. He runs towards Spiderman. SZHOO! SZHOOO!! SZHWAAHHH!!! Spiderman dodges every swipe employee deals. WHACK! Spiderman nails employee in his non-webbed shoulder with a solid punch. "STOP GETTING MY SHOULDERS!!" employee yelps in pain with a now broken shoulder.

He's back on the ground while Spiderman jumps up for the final blow. While suspended in the air, Spidey forms web boxing gloves so his final punch will be both devastating and really icky. "AHHHH" he yells some more in strength. Spiderman comes raining down like some sort of water in a waterspout. Really fast water. Employee panics and holds up his lightsaber.

SZHWAAAAP...

They're frozen on top of each other. Both of them are like "uuhh... uhhhhh..." so it's like you don't know who won yet cuz they both have a shocked look on their faces. Then Spiderman becomes limp. Employee had pointed his saber straight up into the body of Spidey. "uuhh... Spidey sense THAT... mother f***ker..." Employee pushes the dead superhero to the side and stands up.

"I WON!!!" Employee screams! Then he goes home.

The end.

:)

So who do YOU think would win?

(Oh god this entry is horrible.)

2 comments:

enajane said...

omg.
youre fucking crazy.

im sorry.
i still say spiderman wins:)

Julia said...

Huh... the sad thing is I can actually picture the battle you described in my head.
Spiderman could probably hit the switch on the lightsaber with a web or something and turn it off. Then he'd snatch it to himself and kill everyone.