I hope parenting's not like this.

That. Was very scary.

STORY TIME!

Like I've said a bajillion times before, I've been working at this one teaching center called "Quest Learning Center". I teach how to make comics to grades ranging from 3rd to 6th, and today I had SOME KIND OF EXPERIENCE...

Today I had 3rd and 4th graders. My lesson plan had the students working in groups on separate comic stories, but one of the guys did not have a group. His name is Cade. Cade is a very interesting character in that... I feel like not all of his brain is there. He's missing that "respect authority" and the "don't misbehave" lobes in his cranium, plus he's just a very weird child, so Cade is definitely a handful. Yesterday I distracted his insanity by having him draw ninja cats and ninja dogs, but today I had a tiny bit more trouble. I sat him in the front, but he just kept on walking to the back to try to work with another group of boys. Time after time I would yell across the room to tell him to sit back down, and he would listen half the time.

It got to the point where I was writing his name on the board as a second warning, but by this time it was too late. Cade was in the back of the room and for whatever reason, he started yelling at this one boy named Kevin (haha) in that group! My head was all "OH NO YOU DON'T!", and my voice was all "CADE!", but as soon as I finished yelling his name, Cade had pushed Kevin, Kevin swung his arm back in attempt to hit Cade, but he looked up and saw me and resisted his attack. I walked over there (or ran very slowly and efficiently) as Cade was just SCREAMING at the top of his lungs at these boys (mainly Kevin). Ysee, Cade and Kevin have this thing where they just REALLY don't get along. Almost every class they're bickering about something. I am so lucky there was a table between the two boys. I think.

Back to the story... Cade screamin, Kevin almost hitting... so I run back there and I'm like "CADE! Calm down!", which I guess sounded kinda ironic. "CADE, calm down calm DOWN... CADE stop it... calm dow- CADE calm down..." But whatever I said to this kid, he just kept on screaming his head off! Now I ask you, lovely oddience, what would YOU do in such a situation? Because at that point, I honestly had no clue. I was panicking so much on the inside, but outside I was just "Cad- CADE. CALM down... calm down..". I got him to stop for a few seconds, but then he just went back to "NOOOO! NOOOO!!!". (I think that's all he was yelling, just "no". Man, it was the pitch of a freakin' Pterodactyl.) I guess I could've picked him up and moved him elsewhere, but I was afriad he would explode or something. He could've been a bomb with alarms in the form of screams!


If I tried this, Cade would've eaten this chair.
Now the group of guys receiving the ambush of anger decided to start moving. They began to walk towards the other end of the table near the corner of the room to get away from crazy Cade. Cade, of course, began to follow them. I, of course, began to follow Cade. My incessant commands to Cade, of course, began to follow my steps. Suddenly all of us had walked to a point where there was no table between the boys and Cade! If I was thinking of something more than "calm down", I would've probably thought "OH SNAP YOU BETTER NOT JUMP ON THEM!". And, well, he didn't.

The boys began to walk back to their original spot, but Cade was stuck in the corner. Then he made a run for them. THAT was my chance. THERE was my reason to submissify this fool to no end. I grabbed his arms, stopping him in his tracks, and just nailed him with "Cade Calm-Downs". He began to struggle and I was all "OH NO DON'T STRUGGLE", but then I thought about for a sec and remembered... I'm way stronger than this guy. So I held my grip until Cade just stood there. After a few more yells at the boys, he just stopped and stood there. (Just to let you know, Kevin was being super annoying because he basically kept on provoking Cade with stuff like "Cade you're dumb I hate you" or something to that extent.)

So there was Cade. There was I. Right in the middle of nothingness to the side of the room, I was holding his crossed arms as we just stood. "I'm not gonna let go until you calm down." I looked up and most of the other kids were watching. I looked at the doorway and my boss was standing there (HAHA). I looked back down at Cade. I was in a VERY horrible position, not because of the whole boss-at-door thing, but because Cade could SO have easily kneed me in the crotch in front of a class of 3rd and 4th graders. I could've sworn he was tempted to. THANK GOD HE DIDN'T.

"I'm gonna let go and I want you sit in your seat, okay?" He nodded ever so slightly, I let go, he sat in his seat, put his head down, and I sighed the biggest sigh of relief I've ever relieved myself to sigh. I could tell I was blushing red too. But my journey was not done! Oh no! I walked over to the door to talk to Mr. Johnny, my boss. He actually was not there for Cade!

Next to him was a little girl, a girl that came to my class that misbehaved like some kind of chicken on steroids (I heard that steroidical chicken is pretty hard to manage). Mr. Johnny said she, Sharon (I called her booger last week), wanted to apologize. "Oh," I was astonished. I looked at her, and avoiding eye contact, she said something like "I'm sorry, Mr. K". Again, I had no idea what to do. "I forgive you" would be too... short and concise... for such a dramatic scene! And it was not that easy to forgive her. She ran in and out of the room, plus she hit me (but yknow, girly hits). I asked her "You're sorry for last week?.." and she replied with a quiet "Yeah..". I paused with nothing else to say. I caved in, "Oh it's okay, I forgive you then..". I was pretty pressured though! Not only was Mr. Johnny watching, but so was this random white woman from behind Sharon, I think that was her mother or something. I REALLY wished I had something better to say, like "I'll only forgive you if you show me a smile!" (cuz she looked pretty depressed), or "I forgive you... and if you don't behave like that again, HERE'S CANDY!". Dangit. I have to think faster.

ALRIGHT! Now just imagine, ALL THAT happened within 5-10 minutes. Boy was that absurd.

If you're yearning for an epilogue: I told the boys in da back to not acknowledge that Cade was in the room, ignore him completely, don't say his name, don't provoke him whatsoever. "If you so much as say Cade's name, you get your name on the board." (Kevin, of course, kept on insisting Cade was totally stopping them from making their group comic. I told Kevin to shove it. HAHA just kidding. Could you imagine though.) As for Cade, he remained in his seat... until the last 10 minutes of class when he started to go to the group of boys in the back again. LUCKILY he didn't scream like a dying rooster, but I had to keep on bringing him back to the front still. The beast was tamed, I had control again, and everything... ended fine.

Oh, and P.S., then this dude named Alex said he "hated Comic Class". How do I respond to that? I guess I should've felt really sad or whatever, but I just felt REALLY BAD that I couldn't entertain him with comic production. So yeah, that's just a side note.


IN HAPPIER NEWS, these two girls actually finished their comic! Correctly. YES that's one.


In any case, I am so glad I get paid for this. Hehe.